I used to be you.

I used to be you. I used to think it wouldn’t be me. I used to think cancer survivors were other people. I used to think I didn’t need a lot of health insurance. I used to think I could eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I used to skip lunches in order to get more done at work. I used to think working 12 hours a day meant I was being more productive. I used to think working 12 hours a day made me a better person.

I used to think burn out was inevitable. I used to think burn out meant I had laid it all on the line. I used to think there was no such thing as a clear mind. I used to think that meditation was bordline cult-ish. I used to think mindfulness was for other people, for people who had time to slow down. I used to think I loved living in cities.

I used to think I could run away from mortality forever. I used to think the unending depths of space were terrifying. I used to think only about the future, worrying about my to-do list and future client work. I used to think anxiety was normal, inevitable. I used to move through the world as though I would have many years left.

And then I got cancer. No symptoms, no weird bloodwork, no warning signs.

And what a gift that was. Cancer forced me confront all of the beliefs I held about everything and be brutally honest about what was serving me and what wasn’t. And although I should by all accounts, have many years left, I am almost comforted by the fact that I’m never certain.

It’s a relief to give up the chokehold on the future and choose to live in the present moment. It’s a relief to practice mindfulness and meditation, training my attention to stay present. It’s a relief to eat food that truly supports my wellness. It’s a relief to eat food that is agreeable to my digestive tract. It’s a relief to have so many hobbies I couldn’t possibly work 12 hours a day. It’s a relief to value slowness over busyness. It’s a relief to realize I love places with more open greenery. It’s a relief to realize productivity is nothing more than external validation.

It’s a relief knowing that each day, my actions reflect the person I want to be. It’s a relief knowing that I am building a life I love.

It’s a relief knowing that if I died in any moment, I was spending the moment before, doing something I fully intended to be doing.

Let me be your guide, to living a life you love, with balance and intention. One where your actions each day reflect the person you most want to be. Feel calm, spacious, alive.