Routine awareness
Get it, routine awareness and awareness of routines? Wocka wocka!
TL/DR: A routine is a powerful tool, and you want to wield that power for your best self. We weren’t taught how to change our routines, so most people try too much of an all or nothing approach, which is often too overwhelming to make lasting change. It starts with awareness. Understanding what bottom line your routine is serving and getting clear on WHY you want to make the changes you want to make.
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Ah routines, so powerful and yet somewhat mysterious. I think the mystery stems from never formally learning how to listen to our own body rhythms and structuring our lives around those rhythms. In fact, I think we were shown repeatedly that we had to fit a particular mold in order to succeed, thrive, or be happy. That mold was most apparent in our school schedules, and I would argue that that schedule did not typically allow for thriving, succeeding, and being happy. Don’t get it twisted, humans do thrive with structure, but the structure that suits your own ebbs and flows of energy likely looks very different from the typical school schedule. The average American school starts at 8:00 am, which is real talk almost 1.5-2 hours earlier than the natural sleep cycles of teenagers, for example. This reinforces the idea that sheer hours in school (or at work) produces better learning should take precedence over quality of learning. Not to mention, the pace of school teaches us how to “do” in sprints, rather than in the marathon format of life itself. We were always working steadily towards the next quiz, the next test, rather than a more holistic pace which included quizzes and tests, but didn’t place them as the carrot at the end of the stick. We were taught to value the outcome over the process.
We've carried this attitude over into our adult/work lives, much to our detriment. While it makes sense that jobs have standardized hours to ensure availability to collaborate and work together, not all industries or roles require direct collaboration with other people face-to-face. I'm excited that this pandemic is challenging even the most traditional companies to consider the realities of remote work. What I'm excited about isn't simply that people can work at home, which as someone who has been working from home for a better part of the last 7 years, I totally support, it's that even the most rigid companies can open their minds to flexible work schedules where people can create the rhythm that suits them best. Of course, there needs to be time during the day for people to overlap on meetings etc, but for true deep work to happen, uninterrupted get-in-the-zone time is critical. Uninterrupted time is also incredibly hard to come by. This is why so many of us feel it's such a luxury to work extra on the weekends, because you're suddenly afforded the mental space without pressure to create and without constant notifications. Finding the rhythm that suits you best requires that everyone start really getting to know themselves on a core level, which can start with awareness.
What if every day during your 2:30 slump you actually just take a nap for 20 minutes? Or what if you instead take a long walk outside away from email and notifications? Just consider it. I understand the pressure and loyalty to stay at your desk, but maybe there’s some wiggle room? That's the same pressure and loyalty that kept me working 55-60 hours a week for a long time. And looking back on it, what was that for? I feel now that I had already proven my worth to my employers, and taking time to be my best worker-self seems like a win-win, but who asked me? It seems almost an extension of the (futile) fight to get everyone to like you. >insert Kermit drinking tea meme here<
Let's go back to my life in 2013. Every morning was wake up, take out bite guard/retainer, brush teeth, put hair up in ponytail, get dressed, toast some Eggo waffles, collect my computer/bag, grab the waffles heading out the door and voila, I was off to work, munching on my waffles en route. What this routine reflects is that I was prioritizing my work above all else, and I was.
It was almost a badge of honor, how quickly I could get ready in the morning. That I was sparing no waking minute when I could/should be working. I think this was a product of coming from school where rigid scheduling reigns supreme and achievement comes above all else, mixed with the fact that I was an hourly worker. Every minute I put in meant more money in my pocket. And when you're just starting out and your hourly rate doesn't add up very much, the only logical thing was to work more. It was practical to devote as much time to work as possible. When you’re treating the long distance run like back-to-back sprints, it’s a fast track to burning out.
And burn out I certainly did. Although it’s usually a slow burnout. One day you wake up and you realize you’re so tired, like, existentially tired. Going in to work would be like trying to squeeze the last bit of juice out of an already dry fruit. Sometimes a vacation can reinvigorate you and give you space away from the work that feels draining, but other times you get back from vacation wishing you could dive straight into another vacation. This is where you take a step back. Is your job utilizing your strengths? And is your schedule set up to honor your natural rhythms? Both will leave you feeling exhausted, if not properly harnessed. For the sake of this blog post, we’ll stay focused on routine and schedule itself.
Fast forward to 2020, my alarm rings at 6:15, I wake up, take out my bite guard/retainer, brush my teeth, go take my thyroid pill, sit down to meditate for 30 minutes, fill up my water bottle, and sit down at my desk to write out my to-do list. If I wake up late, I either meditate for 15 minutes, or just do my usual routine all the way through and chop out some of my work time before yoga at 10. In all fairness, I have created my job to best suit my own tendencies and rhythms and have complete control over my schedule, With a 9-5 job, you often don't have the leeway or license to be so fluid in your scheduling. But what you can do is be intentional with how you schedule your time, both at home and work, and focus on the time you can control.
Begin your day with a routine that honors your natural rhythm. Are you a morning person? Get up a couple hours before work and use that time for physical movement, reading, savoring your coffee, or even household chores. Are you a night owl? Keep your list as minimal as possible. Try not to fight the fact that you don't love the mornings and backload your to-do's the night before. Perhaps you shower at night, lay out your outfit ahead of time, pack your work or gym bag, and have a plan for breakfast in mind. This way, you're not rushing while you're simply trying to wake the hell up.
On the same token, if you are a morning person, keep your bedtime routine simple. Limit it to basic hygiene and winding down to sleep. Anything more and you’ll have to start your routine at 7pm. If you're a night owl, consider the time after dinner your oyster. In the same way the world is quiet around dawn, the world tends to get quiet around 8 or 9pm. Consider reading, writing, doing a workout (be cognizant of downstairs neighbors in this lockdown), or even housework. I don't necessarily recommend coffee, unless it's at least 6 hours before you're planning to go to bed. But, if that somehow works for you, more power to you. There are NO RULES as to when you should or should not be doing something, barring of course that you’re not disturbing your family or neighbors, or if you’re needing to work with someone on something. Other than that though, you get to make everything up. Dinner at 9pm? Sure! Bedtime at 9pm? Sure! Whatever floats your boat is the right time.
PSA on personal time: Let's all please drop the guilt and "should be" surrounding being a morning person vs a night owl. For some reason, being a morning person is touted as a sign of maturity, wisdom, and the best way to live. Being a night owl has the opposite reputation of a childish, partying, unfocused person, and improper way to live. But that makes zero sense. Being a morning or night person is simply a statement of fact, it's when your brain is the most focused. Yes, the tendency of older people is to fall asleep earlier and wake up earlier, based on biology/physiology, but I hate to break it to people, not all older people are mature. Likewise, not all young people are childish or partiers. I want us to slowly embrace the idea that it's simply a feature of ourselves that need not be changed or fixed. The best time to do something is when you’re feeling your best to accomplish whatever it is. Whether it’s 7am or 10pm makes not a shred of difference in quality (unless you’re trying to do it at the opposite time than you should). It is only a disservice to yourself not to honor your own rhythms.
I think night owls get the short end of the stick a lot, as far as business hours go. If you're able, consider talking to your boss about being available in the late-morning and afternoon for meetings etc, but that you'd prefer to log back on around 8pm and work until midnight or so. You never know unless you ask. You can even make the case that you suspect your productivity or quality of work would increase; you can even mention that you should try it out and reevaluate in 3 months to see how it all seems to be going. The more we can break out of the rigidity of scheduling “because that’s how it’s always been done” means we’re creating more space to live our most authentic and fulfilled lives.
Ask yourself these simple questions:
During which hours of the day is my time flexible?
During which hours of the day do I get to set my own schedule (both work and home)?
What do I like most about my morning routine?
Does my morning routine feel refreshing or chaotic?
What do I like most about my bedtime routine?
Does my bedtime routine leave me feeling ready for a good nights rest?
When does my brain seem to work its best? (hint: there are usually several windows throughout the day)
When does my body feel most sluggish?
And now, consider how these fit in with your current routines and schedule. Where are the opportunities for change? What would you like to stay the same?
This question has come up a lot around the pandemic -- what would you like to bring from the pandemic into "normal" life? But I want to encourage you to question your routine over and over. Not every day, not only during a pandemic, but periodically throughout your life. What serves you one month, may not be serving you the next, lockdown or otherwise. I also suspect "normal" life will look very different going forward, so the idea that there will be a distinct difference between lockdown and post-lockdown is a little ambitious. The present moment is the only one you know, so why not start your evaluation now, rather than waiting for some unspecified time in the future?
A huge piece of changing your routine relates to habits. Habits are the bits and pieces that create your routine, for better or worse. In June, I’ll be diving deep into habits, what they are, how to change them, and how this all relates to your routine. As the Annie Dillard quote goes, “How you spend your days is, of course, how you spend your life.” And it all starts with awareness.