The future self

TL/DR: Taking your “future self” into consideration is a great way to deprogram yourself from instant gratification, and it helps keep your space tidy. Win-win!

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The concept of the "future self" is one that comes up a lot in professional home organizing, and one I wish had a more wide-spread/mainstream presence. It's the mindset where you take your future self into consideration as motivation in the moment.

You know that feeling when you are done with work after a day of 6 back-to-back meetings and a pile of other projects and you just want to flop face down on the couch and do nothing? But then you remember you have laundry to fold? Ugh! The future self mindset is about having already folded the laundry right when it completed, so your now current self can flop face down on the couch feeling guilt and regret free.

I'm sure it sounds counterintuitive that I keep saying to focus on only the present moment and suddenly now need to consider yourself in the future. And while slightly counterintuitive, the reason it isn't counterproductive is that we're not dwelling in the future, and we're not falling down rabbit holes of hypotheticals. We're harnessing how we suspect we'll feel in the future (because we've felt it before) to change our actions in the present and alleviate that feeling. We cannot control anything except our own reactions and emotions, so why not leverage some foresight to help ourselves out?

The best examples usually involve repeated, thankless tasks such as cleaning the bathroom or putting away laundry. Any task that you feel compelled in the moment to put off until later, only to later realize that you sincerely regret that you still have to complete said task. You begrudgingly do it, with a heaping side of contempt for your past self who decided their time was more important than yours. And that's the lie we tell ourselves over and over; that somehow in the future, we're suddenly going to feel excited to put away laundry and/or that we’ll have more time to do so. But in reality it tends to look more like dread and obligation. You have to put the laundry away because you need to go to bed preferably not under a pile of clothes. And why did your earlier self think this was somehow the better plan? Because in the moment, it felt better. Our faithful and misleading friend, immediate gratification.

This is about recognizing our patterns and habits and trying to help ourselves out ahead of time. Professional organizers often say, "A place for everything and everything in its place." Once you've decluttered enough that everything can actually have a place (ah, the kicker!), it's important to consistently put that thing away in its place the moment it stops being used. That way, it is where it should be when you need it again, and you never have to stop later to put it away. All it takes is 2 seconds in the present moment to save yourself the weekly round-up and putting away of everything you've left strewn about the house.

While you may not technically be saving seconds on the clock (though I suspect you are in the long run), what you're saving is the feeling of dread and regret that accompanies having to pick up after yourself and/or your family over and over again. It's going against your gut reaction of instant gratification in honor of knowing you will appreciate feeling unburdened later. It’s using an intentional act to create ease and joy later.

Visitors to our (my husband and my) apartment often remark at how tidy it is. And while we've usually cleaned the bathrooms and vacuumed before they arrive, it is that tidy nearly 24/7. Of course, those who know me understand that I'm disciplined about keeping tidy, as I think best when things feel in order. To me, in order means everything in its place. The best way to maintain it is to put everything back in its place right after I'm done using it. That way, I never really have to "pick up" around the house. Cleaning simply becomes taking out the vacuum cleaner or Swiffer duster, because I've cut out the part where things are out where they shouldn't be.

I'm not consistent 100% of the time. My husband will tell you that I often leave my pajamas in the bathroom after changing into "house clothes" before meditation each morning. In my defense, he's typically still asleep, so I don't want to wake him up by putting them away, but they often stay out all day because of this. Everyone has their own achilles of putting things away, but if you can put away 98% of your things where they should be each time you use it, you will be thrilled and probably slightly amazed. The only reason things get messy is because we put the responsibility on a future self who we imagine to be more motivated or interested in that task later, or who we perhaps never considered at all, but spoiler alert, that's a convenient lie we use to justify our instant gratification. I even enjoy folding clothes and I still don't love putting away laundry, it's just not something humans love doing. You’re not likely to love it more in a few days after putting it off.

So how do you go about employing this tactic? It's a simple concept, but it'll take some time to break in, like a new pair of running shoes.

  1. The first step is awareness (should I start selling temporary tattoos that say this?). When you are doing a menial task, notice your impulse to want to put it off until later.

  2. Fight that urge and do it anyway. Even if there are a thousand and one things going on. Chances are, later there will be a thousand and two.

  3. Later when you are relaxing, remind yourself how grateful you are that you decided to put everything away already because you don't have to do it now.

This technique is a counterpoint to immediate gratification. This is, in a sense, training yourself to value delayed gratification, by honoring and respecting your own future time. Part of the ick when you've put something off is that you feel offended that your past self didn’t have the decency to respect your current time. When you put things off, you are making the assumption, or at least giving yourself the impression, that you'll have nothing better to do, which feels presumptuous. What you do know is that if you leave your tidying for your future self, you will not be pleased with your decision.

Delaying gratification is taking a holistic approach to your own ease and joy. When you delay your ease, it comes with its own sense of satisfaction in the moment, and almost anticipatory joy that you aren’t burdening your future self. There is ease in knowing you’re not creating undue stress for your future self. So try it, I dare you to consider the joy of delaying your joy.

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