On meditation
This Friday will mark my 100th consecutive day meditating.* Though I will say, I probably talked about wanting to start meditating for almost two years before actually committing. My hesitancy stemmed from a few roadblocks, which I explore here.
Roadblock 1:
Meditation carries a fatal misconception, that the goal of meditation is to stop thinking. Here's the thing, our brains do two things: keep our bodies running and regulated, and they think. They are built to think. It would be absurd to fight against that. Instead, the point of meditation, in my eyes, is to practice a continual coming back to the present moment. To my understanding, neural pathways tend to act in the paths of least resistant aka the paths most often used. It's like tire tracks in snow, once the first car has established a particular trajectory, it's hard to reroute the tracks without extra effort. If we practice every day, coming back to the present moment, it would follow that coming back to the present would eventually become the default route for those neural pathways. Additionally, those new paths could be strengthened over time with repetition. Which leads us to…
Roadblock 2:
When you're knee deep in negative thought patterns or stuck in busy mode, it can feel far-fetched thinking about a calm, collected mind staying in the present moment. It can feel like it's meant for other people, but that you're somehow incapable or not ready. But that's not the case, everyone exists in this present moment, so we all have the opportunity to bring our attention here. You just have to be willing to give up the story and ultimately identity that holding onto your past or planning for the future gives you. Being busy busy busy and always planning ahead and thinking ahead and worrying about the future was my default, my most-used neural pathways. At the time, I think I worried that giving up that chokehold on remembering everything, doing everything, and being "ready" for anything meant I was giving up the best part of me. The most productive part of me. The part of me that I relied on for income and motivation, which felt like the only markers of success. Spoiler alert: turns out that wasn't true. What I gave up was the burden of being "on" all the time, the burden of my chattering brain, the burden of upholding some kind of constructed identity. I see now that motivation can stem from curiosity, from excitement, from seeking joy and ease. I also see that my value is the perspective I bring to life, not how many hours straight I can work without eating. Now that I've been meditating, I am practicing coming back into the present moment, and it's, gratefully, spilling into the rest of my life.
Roadblock #3:
Where do you even start? Do people just sit on the floor somewhere in silence for some allotted amount of time? And how long? Will I know if I'm doing it right? So, yes and no. Let me break down some of the basics based on my own experience.
POSTURES & CUSHIONS: There are many different options for postures -- some simple Googling will bring up a myriad seated positions, standing, and walking meditations. As a central practice, it's often recommended to start with a seated practice. I believe this is partly because you're taking the variables of movement and place out of the equation, allowing you more focused attention until you become more practiced. Standing or lying down can be critical for people with physical limitations or serious injuries. If your legs always fall asleep after 23 minutes, like mine, that's not considered a serious issue, but rather one to practice sitting through, as it turns out. That said, we're not well practiced in sitting with discomfort, so moving positions mindfully is allowed. I have a cushion (shown in the cover photo) that I set on a folded blanket. The cushion should be high enough to elevate your hips above your knees. I like to set up shop in front of our fireplace, but other people carve out a spot in their bedroom, hallway, office, etc. and either have a little shrine of things they find aesthetically pleasing, or just a favorite spot that allows for quiet (when possible) focus. Somewhere that you can let the world drop away and feel safe. It's not necessary to close your eyes, certain styles of meditation encourage eyes open even, and that especially important to note if you're someone with PTSD or other traumas, where closing your eyes is triggering. I highly recommend working with a therapist as you begin your practice, to allow a safe space to properly process said traumas or difficult emotions. Meditating can and will open up your heart and a wellspring of emotions.
TIME: There is no right time to meditate. It can be morning or night, or both. I meditate in the morning for a few reasons. 1) I am a morning person and love the peace and quiet of early morning 2) I know that if I meditate in the morning, I've done at least one thing for myself that I value 3) I find it hard to have a bad day when I start with meditation 4) it keeps me off my phone, breaking my early morning Instagram habit 5) because I enjoy meditation, it helps me get out of bed each morning -- I'm eager to get to my cushion 6) I have a bedtime routine that I really enjoy (I'll explore routines more in May!), and I was honestly reticent to change it. The point is, the best time to meditate is when you it feels right to you. Most people find it easier to "control" their time in the evenings, making it the ideal time to meditate.
DURATION: You can meditate for 5 minutes or your can sit for 45. You have to do what feels right for you. Remember that right doesn’t always mean easy, just right. I started with 10 minutes, moved to 15, and within a few days was craving more time. I was sad when the 15 minutes would go so quickly. I now sit for 25-30 minutes, and may eventually do 45 as I work through my legs falling asleep and letting go of the instinct to move immediately when discomfort arises. When I was still out in the world working with organizing clients, I would often do a 1-2 minute meditation before and after each session in my car, just to recenter.
BUT HOW? So there are many apps and books and resources. I highly recommend guided meditations as you're beginning. Having someone to calmly guide you through the thought processes and breathing is incredibly helpful as you build those neural pathways. Eventually you can work your way towards using a simple timer with chimes/bells, but no sweat if you never get there. People have loved Headspace and Calm, but I personally really enjoy Insight Timer. There are thousands of free, incredibly high-quality meditations. You can filter by duration, meditation style etc, and this gave me so much freedom to explore what styles I enjoy and what exists. There are also paid courses and meditation tracks (a 10-day course on self compassion, for example), which I'm sure are great, though I haven't ventured out of the free realm yet.
AM I DOING IT RIGHT? If you are continually bringing your attention back to the present moment, you are doing it right. There really is no right and wrong. Of course your mind will wander, but the point is to simply acknowledge it and bring your focus back to the present moment. You’re not doing poorly if you have a sit that feels fraught with thinking and less focus. Many people find that sitting can be a bit restless, a bit boring even, and that's normal. The reason they come back to it over and over anyway is rooted in why they started to begin with. To practice coming back to the present moment, over and over.
INTENTIONALISM AND MEDITATION
When you come back to the present moment, you are doing so with intention. I find that my mind naturally quiets down when I'm focusing on the present. It's impossible to be worried about the future or obsessing over the past when you're in the present. Guilt and regret only seem to live in the past, and anxiety and worry only seem to live in the future. Thoughts of course pop up, even ideas for future blog posts as benign as that feels, but I just need to tip my hat to them and come back to my breathing. Come back to the present. The blog idea will resurface later when it's time to sit down and write.
I've found it impossible to live an intentional life without being present. It's great to consider future consequences or benefits when making decisions about things, but always checking in with yourself about the present can only happen in the present. As I've intentionally chosen to live with more intention, mindfulness, mindful awareness, and meditation feel inextricably linked to that process. Evaluating what is serving you in your life requires that you've acknowledged the reality of your present life and how you feel about those things and situations.
Meditation gives us the mental practice to continually come back to the present moment. It also gives me the practice of acknowledging thoughts and emotions without getting sucked into the stories they are telling me. Of course I'm not zen 100% of the time, but in the moments when I'm feeling grumpy or unsettled, I feel like I have the awareness to back me up. I can take a step back and self-regulate my reactions in the moment or I can fully step away and meditate before I have to respond. This is can be incredibly helpful when you receive an insensitive email at work, or your roommate loaded the dishwasher without any logical forethought. As a dear friend once explained, “It doesn’t just help me slough stuff off, it helps me from accumulating anything to slough off in the first place.”
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*I keep track in a nifty habit-tracking app called Done, which has a wonderfully simple interface. I'm the kind of person who hates little red notifications, so having a "1" is ample motivation to complete the task -- in this case meditation. I recommend checking this out for other habits as well. I will be doing a deeper dive into habits in June this year, so keep your eyes peeled for additional resources then as well.